Love the Unloving
Is it possible to love someone whom you hate?
Our condemning words to each other had brought us hurt and, on the heels of hurt, anger.
We had realized that if we continued our pattern of demanding and condemning, we would destroy our marriage.
We have learn to discuss our differences without condemning each other and how to make a decision without destroy ping our unity...
When we started speaking each other's primary love language the feeling of anger and hate abated
...His attitude was: "I don't have any problem. You are the one with the problem."
In his mind he was right, she was wrong-- it was as simple as that.
Her feeling of love for him had been killed through the years by his constant criticism and condemnation.
LOVE'S GREATEST CHALLENGE
I surmised that perhaps her only hope for marital survival was in her faith.
I tell you who hear me: live your enemies and do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you... Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even "sinners" live those who live them. Luke 6:27-28, 31-32
THE SIX-MONTH EXPERIENCE
Since love is such a deeply emotional need, the lack of it is perhaps our deepest emotional pain.
The emotional need for live is our deepest emotional need; and when that need is being met, we tend to respond positively it the person who is meeting it.
Stop all the verbal complaints, if you want to complain about something, write it down in your personal notebook rather than saying anything about it for a month
Ask God to help you practice the teaching of Jesus in Luke 6:27-28; 31-32
If you express an act of love that is designed for the other person's benefit or pleasure, it is simply a choice. You are not claiming that the action grows out of a deep emotional bounding. You simply choosing to do something for the other persons benefit.
Whatever your spouse says take it as information...
After a positive feedback, make a request of your spouse -- something that you would like him to do, something in keeping with your primary love language.
Make the request specific, not general...
Keep records on the positive words of affirmation that you give your spouse each week.
Write down your frustration ps and irritations without telling your spouse
Learn how to share your frustrations and irritations in a constructive way...
Tell your spouse that you have been thinking about your marriage and have decided that you would like to do a better job of meeting his/her needs.
If your spouse starts speaking your love language by responding to your requests, your positive emotions toward him/her will return, and in time your marriage will be reborn.
