FALLING IN LOVE
She was by nature a conscientious, caring person, so it was completely out of character for her to show up at my office unannounced.
" How are you today, Janice?" I asked
" Great!" She said. " I have never been better in my I've. I am getting married!"
" That's exciting. How long have you been dating?"
" Three weeks." I know it's crazy...
" I know it's crazy,. But I am so happy. I have never been this happy in my life."
What happened to Janice? She has falling in love.
Most of us enter marriage by way of the in-love experience.
When it (the feeling) is reciprocal, we start talking about marriage because everyone agrees that being "in love" is the necessary foundation for a goo marriage.
The Anteroom of Heaven
The person who is "in love" ...has the allusion that her beloved is perfect.
Of course, we are not totally naive. We know intellectually that we will eventually have differences. But we are certain we will discuss those differences openly; one of us will always be willing to make concessions, and we will reach agreement.
It is hard to believe anything else when you are in love
Our love us the most wonderful thing we ever experienced. We observe that some married couples seem to have lost that feeling, but it will never happen to us. "Maybe they didn't have the real thing"
After studying scores of couples, she concluded that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years. If it is a secretive love affair, it may last a little longer. Eventually, however, we all descend from the cloud and plant our feet on earth again.
Our eyes are opened, we see the warts of the other person.
Those little traits that we overlooked when we were in love now becomes huge mountains.
Reality Intrudes
It (Marriage) is a world where shoes do not walk to the closet and drawers do not close themselves, where coats do not like hangers and socks go AWOL during the laundry.
Did we really have the "real" thing? I think so. The problem is faulty information.
The bad information was the ideal that the in-love obsession would last forever.
...people who are "in love" lose interest in other pursuits. That is why it is called obsession.
Such obsession gives us the false sense that our egocentric attitude have been eradicated and we have become sort of a Mother Teresa, willing to give anything for the benefit of out lover.
Their minds have not melded together, and their emotions mingled only briefly in the ocean of love. Now the waves of the reality begin to separate them. They fall out of love, and at that point either they withdraw, separate, divorce, and set off in search of a new in-love experience, or they begin the hard work of learning to love each other without the euphoria of the in-love obsession.
We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was __and pursue "real love" with our spouse
Our most basic emotional need is to to fall in love but to be genuinely love by another... I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.
That kind of love requires effort and discipline
In fact, true love cannot begin until the in-love experience has run its course.
The emotional need for love must be met if we are to have emotional health. Married adult long to feel affection and love from their spouse. We feel secure when we are assured that our mate accepts us, wants us, and is committed to our well-being.
During that in-love stage, we felt all those emotions. It was heavenly while it lasted. Our mistake was in thinking it would last forever
That is good news to married couple who have lost all I'd their "in-love" feelings. If love is a choice, then they have the capacity to love after the "in-love" obsession has died and the have return to the real world.
Love is an attitude that says, "I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.
Discussion questions:
Does it mean it is impossible for the "in-love" phenomenon to last forever?
Does this applies to family as we well?
What is the first step of restoring love when the in-love obsession dies down?
How can we apply all this to our day to day relationships with other?
Here is the website where you can take the test to know your Love Language:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
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